I’m just going to go back to being a lesbian now.

It may not be the girl my mom’s always wanted, but close enough, and a hell of a lot easier.

(I have a sneaking suspicion that this is not going to work out very well.)

I am so confused.

I thought I was genderqueer. Now I think I might be F-t-flamingly-gay-M. I do not want that.

I can’t be FTM. I can’t. I’ve never felt like a boy as a kid. I’ve never felt like a girl either, but… no, it’s just not… this isn’t right. 

I think I need a gender therapist. But that would require coming out to my conservative parents who don’t even know what trans means about something that I don’t even know is real. I feel invalidated by my own identity. I have no idea who I am. I have no idea why this matters so much. I have no one who to talk to who has gone through this, even though the very few friends I bitch to about it are absolutely wonderful and accepting, but they still don’t get it. It’s not their fault. They can’t. I don’t even know what I’m going through; how could they?

This

is

shit.

What am I?

I feel like a male trapped in a female’s body, but I don’t want to have an operation and change my body. I want to be a girl and a boy at the same time. Is that so wrong?

Some of the most satisfying times I have with myself are when I pretend that I have a penis. And yet I never want to physically transition. I’m not male. I’m an androgyne or a genderqueer. 

So why the fuck do I love pretending to have sex with my nonexistent dick so much?

I don’t want to have chest surgery. I want the world to change so that this counts as a “male chest”.

tal9000 asked: Just thought you should know, submitters are visible in notes. I'm not sure how people anonymize this on other secrets tumblrs, but there should be a way to submit anonymously.

It’s meant to be that they log out, then submit. I know that’s not the easiest way, but theres no other way to do it.

We all should be proud of our beauty.

I have often dreamed of the day that I can come out at work and be myself there.  Right now I am able to cross dress almost anytime outside of work.

I work for a very trans-friendly workplace, but the department that I work in is very testosterone intense.  I am now working with the HR department to inform them of my intention to transition at work.  I have been working with professional to map out my transition. 

I have found that with new people that I meet in my daily life, out as Bobbie, that they seem to accept me as I present myself with confidence.  It is the people that know Bob, my male presentation, see Bobbie as a threat to Bob. This really makes me angry that they have to judge me, the whole me and assume my choices are wrong. 

I am proud to be Transgender.  I love being Bobbie.  I love meeting people that accept the real me.  

Just Venting.

I thought I could tell you.

I thought I could trust you.

You were so liberal and funny and sweet.

I told you. Now we can’t talk. You won’t be in the same room as me. You shudder if you brush against me. And not in the good way either.

How can you do this to someone you loved only a few months ago?

Do you see what you’re doing to me?

You tell me not to play the victim when you’re the one who made me the victim.

I thought I could tell you.

I thought I could trust you.

(Source: fuckyeahftms)

I read The Vagina Monologues today, and discovered that I did not identify with them as a woman. I identified with them as a person with a vagina. And that’s okay. Because being genderqueer does not mean I don’t belong with these other people who have vaginas too.